How to Resolve the Internal Conflict Between Doing and Resting

🔍 Introduction

Have you ever found yourself in that loop where one part of you is whispering (or shouting), “Just stop. Let me rest,” while another part is pushing, “Go — get moving, fix it, achieve it”? And in between you sit, immobilised, busy with guilt or indecision, wondering why you feel so stuck.

Here’s the thing: This isn’t about a lack of motivation or laziness. It’s a hidden inner battle between different parts of you — one seeking safety and pause, the other seeking progress and achievement. When those two forces are at odds, nothing feels right. You may not rest well. You may not move forward well. You may drift.

In this article you’ll learn:

• What’s really going on inside when you feel torn between doing and resting

• Why it keeps you stuck and develops into anxiety, low mood or impaired functioning

• Gentle first steps you can use right now to start exploring this conflict

• How to tell when self‑work is enough and when it’s time for professional support

• A trusted option in Kathmandu if you decide you would like to explore this with an experienced therapist

Let’s begin by pulling apart what’s going on internally.

Torn between stillness and action — the internal conflict that keeps you stuck.

1. What’s Going On Inside You?

A. The “Parts” Perspective

According to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, your mind is not one singular voice. It’s made up of multiple “parts” or sub‑selves — each with its own feelings, motivations and roles. IFS Institute+1In our scenario:

• One part (we might call it the Rest‑part) is urging you to stop, pause, protect yourself, rest.

• Another part (the Doer‑part) is pushing you to act, to move, to do more, to fix.

When these parts are out of alignment — when they’re fighting — you can feel stuck, torn or paralysed.

B. Why the Conflict Arises

Here are some common reasons this tug‑of‑war develops:

• The Doer‑part may carry a fear: “If I don’t keep moving I’ll be left behind, meaningless, unworthy.”

• The Rest‑part may carry a protective message: “If I push too far I’ll burn out, get rejected, lose myself.”

• Early life messages often feed this: “You must succeed,” “You’re lazy if you rest,” “You’ll be accepted only if you perform,” “Be careful if you step out.”

• So one part learned to protect you through rest/avoidance, and another learned to protect you through striving/performance.

C. What It Feels Like

When these parts are both active but uncoordinated, you may experience:

• Guilt and anxiety when you rest (because the Doer‑part criticises it)

• Overwhelm and exhaustion when you push (because the Rest‑part warns of collapse)

• Indecision, procrastination, oscillation between bursts of effort and shutdown

• A sense of “why can’t I just pick one?” — which then triggers self‑criticism

• Feeling drained, unfulfilled, and that nothing you do is quite “right”

2. Why You Might Avoid Outside Support

If this internal conflict has been ongoing, you might resist going to therapy — here’s why:

• You might believe: “I should just be able to sort this myself.” So you avoid professional help to prove your independence.

• One of your parts might fear change: “If I really address this, I might lose something, or the world might change in scary ways.”

• You might feel shame: “If someone finds out I can’t figure this out, I’ll be judged.”

• The parts that resist are often protecting you — they keep you safe by keeping things unchanged.

In short: Resistance is not failure; it’s part of the system trying to protect you.

3. How This Pattern Can Lead to Anxiety, Low Mood, and Life Impairment

When this fight between rest and action continues without resolution, it often impacts your mood, behaviour and life over time.

A. Anxiety

The Doer‑part’s constant push can trigger stress: racing mind, pressure, fear of failure. Meanwhile the Rest‑part’s avoidance may escalate into worry: “What if I can’t start? What if I’m stuck?” You end up in a loop of tension.

B. Low Mood or Depression

When nothing seems satisfying — you rest but feel guilty, you act but feel drained — your mood can dip. You may feel like you’re underperforming, or like you’re living someone else’s agenda, which can lead to hopelessness or sadness.

C. Life Impairment

Because you’re split:

• Work may suffer (either because you’re burnt out or because you’re procrastinating).

• Relationships may suffer (because you’re inconsistent or emotionally distracted).

• Self‑care suffers (because rest feels wrong and doing everything feels wrong too).Over time this becomes more than a pattern — it becomes a default mode that limits your potential.

D. Narrowing of Options

Your internal conflict leads you to extreme choices: either “I must push” or “I must stop”. You miss the middle ground — you miss flow, balance, integration. Healing becomes about finding choice, not choosing between opposites.

4. Gentle First Steps to Begin Exploring This Conflict

Here are some practical and kind exercises to begin the process of exploration — you can do them on your own as a beginning.

Step 1: Notice the Voices

For 2 days, try this: each time you feel stuck or torn, pause. Ask:

• “What is each part saying?”

• “Where do I feel this in my body?” (tightness, heaviness, a pull?)Write it down. Just noticing is powerful.

Step 2: Dialogue with Your Parts

Write a short letter:

“Dear Rest‑part, I notice you want me to pause because you’re afraid I’ll crash. Dear Doer‑part, I hear you urging me to move forward because you’re scared of being left behind.”

Ask each: “What do you need?” and “What are you afraid might happen if I listen to the other part?” This opens inner communication.

Step 3: Give Both Voices a Seat at the Table

Instead of picking one or silencing one, agree with yourself:

• This week I will schedule one restful period (no guilt allowed).

• This week I will schedule one intentional action step I’ve been avoiding. Observe reactions: Which part relaxes? Which resists? What feelings arise?

Step 4: Reflect at Week’s End

Create a simple reflection:

• How did the rest period feel? (Relief? Guilt? Anxiety?)

• How did the action step feel? (Empowered? Overwhelmed? Nothing?)

• What did I notice about the voices?

• What might I adjust next week?

These small experiments build a map of your system.

5. When This Pattern Suggests You Might Benefit from Professional Help

If you find any of these apply to you, therapy may offer deeper transformation than self‑help alone:

• The conflict has been ongoing for long (months/years) and you feel stuck.

• You feel persistent guilt, shame around rest or action.

• Your mood, energy levels, work or relationships are suffering significantly.

• You find yourself unable to ask for help, even though you want to change.

• You’ve done self‑help tools but they aren’t shifting the pattern.

Professional support helps because it allows safe exploration of the parts, triggers, and history behind them. It helps bring harmony in a way we often cannot alone.

6. Why Professional Support Can Make a Real Difference

• A qualified therapist trained in parts‑work (IFS) can help you identify your parts, explore how they formed, and negotiate new relationships among them. Integrative Therapy+1

• Therapy offers relational safety — essential when your parts fear you changing or being “unsafe”.

• It offers guided practices: you’re not alone in exploration; you have someone to support the process.

• It helps you move from oscillation (rest vs activity) to integration (rest when needed, action when aligned) — and that shift is life changing.

7. A Trusted Option in Kathmandu

If you are in or around Kathmandu (or open to online sessions) and feel ready to explore this conflict more deeply:

Bhatta Psychotherapy

• A private psychotherapy clinic specialising in internal conflict, parts‑work, emotional regulation, anxiety and low mood.

• Offers confidential, culturally‑sensitive, evidence‑based therapy sessions.

• You can book a clarity consultation to explore your internal “rest vs do” dynamic at your pace. Choosing support is not admitting failure — it’s acknowledging you’re ready for growth. Click here to Book an Appointment

8. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Q: Is it normal to feel torn between resting and rushing?

Yes — many people experience this kind of internal conflict. It signals that there are parts of you trying to protect and parts trying to move you forward. It doesn’t mean you're broken.

Q: Does therapy mean I have to pick one part and ignore the other?

No. Good therapy (especially parts‑work) helps you integrate both voices so they can collaborate rather than fight — you lead with your Self, not one part dominating.

Q: How long will it take to feel better?

There’s no timeline. Some people notice subtle shifts in weeks; for deeper patterns it may take months or longer. The key is consistency and compassionate direction.

Q: I’m not sure if I need therapy — can I keep doing self‑work alone?

Yes — and that’s okay. But if you notice the pattern continues despite your efforts, or you feel more stuck, therapy might accelerate your growth.

Q: I don’t live in Kathmandu — can I still work with Bhatta Psychotherapy?

Yes. Many therapists now offer online sessions. You can reach out and ask about remote options if you’re outside Kathmandu or prefer virtual support.

✨ Final Thoughts

So here’s what you need to remember:

Your internal conflict between resting and rushing is not a flaw — it’s a signal. It’s your internal system trying to protect and push you at the same time. Healing isn’t about choosing one side. It’s about helping all parts to work in harmony.

Start gently with awareness and small experiments. And if you feel the weight of this conflict is impacting your life — you don’t have to face it alone.

Because rest and action both matter. And the most powerful place between them is your choice.

You are capable of more than oscillation. You are capable of integration, choice and sustainable flow.

If you’re ready to explore that deeper, Bhatta Psychotherapy is a safe, experienced place to begin.